Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Chapter 13: Living in Fear

Author's Note: I rebuilt the orphanage and the brothel because I got some inspiration for what I originally wanted these buildings to look like, so they will look different in the pictures.


"Again, Piper?! I send you out and you only bring back $500? You better not be keeping extra money stashed away or something, bitch!"

"I swear, Leo, I'm not hiding anything! I just can't make as much as Gypsy."

"What the fuck do you mean, you can't make as much?! Or is it that you won't do what the client says. We're not going to have to go through that bullshit again are we, Piper?! Are we?!"

"No, Leo, please, just let me try again."


"Too late, bitch. You don't get to go out anymore. You never bring me back enough cash for it to be worth it. Give me that $500! You don't get a cut because you disappointed me. Now get the fuck out of my sight!"

I had just opened the gate to the front yard of the brothel to see Leo wrenching money away from Piper while yelling at her yet again. It was of no big surprise to me as she was always pissing off Leonardo. She and I had a strange relationship because we weren't exactly friends, but we weren't exactly mortal enemies either. I suppose we simply tolerated each other. She was already here when I was brought in.

"AHH! Leo! That's not fair! I earned that money fair and square!"

Leonardo crossed his tattooed arms in front of his chest and stared smugly at Piper. She started screaming and getting really animated with her arm movements. He just continued to glare at her until she gave up and went inside, slamming the door behind her.


When that disgusting man took me away that night, he made it sound like he was the one who was behind the business venture, but he was really just one of Leonardo's thugs. The business venture was actually all Leonardo's idea. He was the most powerful crime lord around right now. He was corrupt, and he controlled a lot of things, while scaring a lot of people. Any crime that happened these days was usually of his doing. When he said jump, the correct response was how high, because he had no qualms about murdering people on the spot or ruining lives in a split second. Truthfully, I was terrified of him, so I did what I was told because I didn't want to end up at the bottom of a river with concrete blocks tied to my feet. So far it had been working well, and he was usually pleased with me because of all the money I earned for him.


"$2,500."

"Fuck yeah, Gypsy. That's what I'm talking about."

Leonardo took the cash out of my hand and counted the bills greedily. His eyes were a fitting color for the greed that always oozed out of his pores, a bright intense green that contrasted with the darkness of his demeanor. He wasn't exactly bad to look at, even though his personality was ugly. He placed $1,500 back into my palm.

"Take a break, then I want you working the pole tonight. You're my money maker, and you're the one who's picked up the most advanced moves."

I nodded, and walked past Leonardo as he slapped me on the ass when I turned the doorknob to go inside.


I went upstairs and sat on my bed, sore from the few hours I'd been out. My bed wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing in the world, but it did feel nice to sit down with my legs closed for once, and be alone. Feeling all those gross men all over me all the time messes with my head a little. I've gotten used to my life the way it is right now, but I know it's wrong. Sometimes I think about leaving, but then I wonder where I would even go. I can't bear to go back to my house because I always fear that I'll walk in and see Gerard's dead body laying somewhere. After everything I've been through, I don't think I could see that and not fall apart right there. I'm trying to hold it together here as much as I can, and as much as I fear Leonardo, I am grateful I have a bed to sleep in and food to eat. Not to mention, since I'm good for business, Leonardo would be super angry if I left. I don't know that he would have the patience to find another girl to replace me, plus all the money he'd lose out on without me around. No, he'd never let me leave.


"Gypsy? You up here?"

Piper's shrill voice travels up the staircase and into my bare room. I hear her stilettos clicking on the hard wooden stair treads, not saying anything, knowing she'll find me anyway. Piper comes into the room and leans against the small half wall, which is all the privacy I get around here, even if there's a client in the bed with me.

"What do you want, Piper? I'm relaxing."

"Can you believe Leo? He didn't give me my cut!"

"This isn't the first time you've said that, so what did you do to make him angry?"

"I didn't make enough on my trip out. Ugh, why does he have to be such a jerk all the time?!"


"I don't know, Piper, maybe it's because he's a crime lord?!"

I rolled my eyes, getting irritated with Piper. It was quite often that she came up to me to complain after bringing things onto herself. Piper wasn't phased much by my sarcasm, which was fairly normal.

"So what's the rest of your night look like?"

"The pole."

"What? You get the pole? Ma-an!"

Piper whined again, and I was confused why she sounded like she enjoyed it here. She spoke about me working the pole like it was something to be coveted. I had to change into my 'work uniform,' so I got off the bed and walked past Piper to the chest that was on the opposite side of the half wall she was leaning on. Piper walked around the half wall, following me around, watching me as I pulled out some lingerie and went behind the room divider to change.


I ignored Piper's incessant whining, not really knowing how to respond to her at this point. I took my hair clips out, and ran my fingers through my hair, smoothing it out. I shook my head around so that the strands would look a bit messy and unkempt, sort of like bedhead. I didn't have a mirror, so I couldn't really see how my hair looked, but I was satisfied with the way it felt.


I stepped out from behind the room divider and started walking towards the stairs when Piper took a deep breath and gasped. I turned to glance at her, unsure what was going on. Did my hair look wierd or something?

"Holy shit, Gypsy. You look amazing."

"Uhhh... thanks?"

I always felt wierd when Piper drooled over me, I knew she was just being nice, paying me compliments, but the fact that she said things when I was in lingerie always made me uncomfortable. Wanting to leave Piper's presence immediately, I quickly turned and walked away to find Leonardo standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me. He licked his thumb when he saw me, and whistled.


"Ooh yeah, baby. Looking good."

"Thanks, Leo."

"You want a drink before hand?"

I nodded, and leaned on the counter, while Leonardo started making some drinks. Leo could be nice when he wanted to be, and I was glad I didn't keep pissing him off, like Piper did. He poured some vodka tonics, and set them in front of me.


"Here you go, babe. One or two drinks then, go on the pole."

"Thanks."

I took a glass and sipped it. It was really tasty, as Leonardo was an expert bartender. He could make most anything that a customer requested.

"Where the fuck is Piper, she's supposed to be my waitress tonight. She's so useless."

"She's still upstairs. Leo, why do you keep her around when she just keeps making you mad?"

"I don't know. She might not bring that much money, but she does bring money, so I guess that's why."

I finished my drink, then walked over to the wooden pole that was securely fastened to a low platform stage, made of planks that interlocked together. There were three lights around the stage that illuminated every curve of my body as I strutted around the pole, as opposed to the seating areas, which were dimly lit. I started out with a simple sexy walk around the pole so I could gain some momentum to do a spin. I plastered a fake smile on my face, as I found that I got more money when I looked like I was enjoying myself.


A man in a hooded sweatshirt and worn jeans arrived in the brothel. He had auburn hair, streaked with some blonde highlights. I couldn't make out the color of his eyes due to the poor lighting from where I was. The man sat down in the lounge, or rather, the sorry excuse for a lounge, made up of two leather couches that had seen better days. He propped his elbow up on the arm of the couch and watched me intently. At some point during my show, Piper had changed into her waitress uniform and finally come downstairs. Leo shot her a disapproving look and pointed towards the coffee table in front of the man, which was littered with empty plates. Piper scurried over to the table, and walked in front of him, causing him to scowl as she blocked his line of vision. He smacked Piper on the ass as she walked by, effectively pushing her out of his way.


Once Piper was out of the way, I jumped up on the pole and spun around, gracefully bending my right leg around the pole as I twirled myself around it. I felt my boobs jiggle as the man whistled at me and smiled, throwing some $1 bills on the stage. He hadn't changed positions at all the entire time he was watching me, and I noticed that he was sitting with his legs spread. Every time I had to work the pole, I hoped that the man I had to take to my bed for the night wasn't going to be rough or mean to me. I got the feeling this man was semi polite, since the most he had done so far was whistle at me. I didn't mind the cat calls either, they usually meant I got more money, which meant Leonardo was happy with me.


Hoisting myself up on the pole with my legs, I gripped it and bent down backwards, trying to focus on the guy's face to see if I could read his expression. He was kind of cute, and not greasy or sleazy like most of the fat, unattractive men who came in here. His eyes were intense, but there was a kindness in them that was appealing. I stuck my chest out and stretched my arms above my head, smiling at him. Leonardo liked when I drew attention to myself and managed to get more money out of the customer. Usually I hated to do it because the customers always grossed me out, but this customer wasn't being overly rude, and he was just watching me, rather than trying to make me feel more uncomfortable.


I dropped myself down to the stage, and then jumped up, catching the pole with my right hand and legs while stretching myself straight out. I felt the man's eyes on me the entire time. This move was always the one the guys enjoyed the most. I especially liked it because for some reason I felt powerful doing it. It was almost as if I was pretending that I was reaching out to a better life, and it made me happy. I knew it didn't really make sense in the big picture, that I shouldn't be happy living in a brothel, but I had to hang onto the little happiness I found in my life here.


I finished my show, and sauntered over to the customer, who followed me with his eyes. He sat with his hands in his lap, smiling at me. I stood in front of him with my hands on my hips and smiled seductively at him.

"How much?"

"For the whole night, or a lap dance?"

"Both."

"$900."


"Whoa, that's steep, but you're worth it. You're gorgeous, and you've got skills."

"You haven't seen all of my skills yet, but I'm glad I could impress you so far."

I was just about to go over and start the lap dance when Piper came over with drinks. She set them on the table and left. I sat down next to the customer and rubbed his thigh. Then I sat on his lap, grinding on him a little bit. He pulled me close to him and kissed me. We turned around on the couch, and continued kissing.


I rested my arm on his shoulder, and ran my other hand through his hair, which was soft to the touch. The customer stopped kissing me for a second to speak.

"Is there somewhere more private we can go?"

I nodded, whispering that we could go to my bed which was up the stairs, and got off of him, walking past Leonardo and making eye contact with him. Leo gave me a sly smile, followed by a wink. I saw the customer head up the stairs, and I quickly followed so he didn't have to wait long.


I went upstairs to see the customer standing by my bed, but he wasn't behaving like the countless other men I had encountered, who usually would have been either stripping down to their underwear, or completely naked. This guy was just there, rubbing his neck, with one hand on his hip. I thought maybe he had a sore neck or something, so I went to give him a massage, but he declined politely. I was very confused as to why this man had seemed so interested in me just mere seconds before, but now he seemed distant and aloof. What did he want from me if it wasn't sex?


I began to go through the motions, reaching around to unclasp my bra, wondering if he just wanted me to call all the shots or something, but I felt the man put his hand on mine, stopping me.

"No. You don't have to do that."

He was whispering, and I was starting to really wonder what his deal was. I didn't have to wait long before he smiled warmly at me, and then explained himself.

"I noticed earlier you have a wedding ring on. Are you stuck here? Were you taken? I can help you escape if you want."


My eyes opened wide and I stepped backwards, leaning against the door frame as I did. I couldn't believe it, this man, whoever he was, was offering to save me from this life. Maybe I could live a normal life again, one where I didn't have to sell my body for money. My thoughts fell a little, wishing that Gerard would have been the one to save me, and then I had some anxiety when I once again pictured him dead. I was scared about putting my trust in this person who I'd only met a few hours ago, a person who at first, was just another customer, but who now seemed like he might be my savior.

26 comments:

  1. Wow...great chapter! I really hope she takes a chance and lets mystery hottie help her. I know she has....adapted to her new life, but she's not happy. Who could be? I know she's afraid, but isn't it worth the chance if she can escape and have a life again, one where she isn't a sex slave who only gets to look forward to working the pole. I love this story so much because it isn't afraid to be dirty and depressing and push the boundries that most people wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. This is the sort of stuff I like to read. :)

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    1. Haha, aww, thanks. Yeah, Iliana is definitely not happy. She's grasping at straws to try to find little rays of happiness in her life at the brothel so that she doesn't go insane. It is totally worth the chance, she didn't think she could just leave on her own, but now with the hottie LOL, offering to help her escape, she has things to think about. Escaping with the hottie may also open up a chance for her to see Gerard again, even though she doesn't know he's still alive, but it's the hope she clings to so she can keep going.

      Aww, I'm glad you like my story so much. I love writing about darker, twisted things, LOL. I find them way more interesting than when everything always goes perfectly.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, amandra. :)

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  2. I'm doing that thing again where I scroll up and down really fast XD
    Awww, Sebastian and Dmitry in the background *cuddles*
    Wtf, Leo.. It makes me sad that he gets to boss them around like they're tools for his trade. Well, they are.. But still. What gives him the right to even DO this?! Ugh.. I guess it's just how it goes when there's so much chaos in the world and barely anything to call a government.
    Wow.. Leo only took $1000 from her earnings and she earned more? She must be good, I'm glad she can at least keep her 'boss' happy, even though the job, well.. Sucks ass.
    Eeekk.. She only ever has a half wall? O_O >_<
    Hmm.. She's on the pole now. It's so weird to see someone like Leo being nice actually, but I can understand why he's nice to her. She's his best merchandise. I just thought as I was reading this, too, that the kids are literally next door while all of this is happening >_> *shudders*
    "..pretending that I was reaching out to a better life, and it made me happy.." *cries* I feel really bad for her at this point.. :(
    Eeeeeeee he's there to save her? Yayyyee! Well, he mIGHT be there to save her.. As nice as he seems, there's still something that doesn't settle quite right with me about him.. But that's also you're ability to throw me through a loop and make me conflicted and dhsahfgfdag *shakes fist* IDK WAHTS going to happen.. Hmm..
    *ponders quietly in a corner alone*

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    1. LOL, it's funny when you do that. :)
      IKR? They're so cute sitting back there. XD
      Leo... he's evil, and doesn't value his bitches unless they make money for him. More money, more kindness. Less money, less kindness. He doesn't really have a lot of moral hangups, and you are completely right, he sees them as tools, some tools are more useful than others. What gives him the right? Power. No one's there to stop him, and everyone fears him. When the good people do nothing, (I heard that off Batman Begins, LOL) the bad people thrive and get away with everything. Right now, crime pays.
      Leo is very random, and he's nice when he chooses to be, but it's only on his terms. He lets Iliana keep more of her money because he wants to give her a a false sense of belonging, like hoping she'll think aww Leo only took 40%, maybe he does value me. It's a mind game he likes to play. Iliana has learned if she keeps Leo happy, he won't be overly mean to her. Fear keeps her in check, and that's another thing Leo likes. He knows he can control people with fear.
      Yeah a half wall. There's like no privacy in the brothel, and Leo doesn't care. He likes it that way actually, so when he goes upstairs, sometimes he can see stuff. >.< Perv. LOL.
      Haha, Leo is nice only if he can get something out of it. I'm glad you were able to see the small bit of kindness I wrote about him. XD You hit it on the head, Iliana is helping him make money, and he knows you don't shit where you eat. He knows Iliana is already terrified of him, she shows it through her obedience, so he rewards it with kindness. If he can confuse her enough, she'll identify with him and never leave him *shudders*
      Haha, aww, Sebastian and Dmitry went inside already. It is disturbing that the orphanage and the brothel are next door, but I did that on purpose, so it would be disturbing. >:D
      She's trying to make the most of a shitty situation, :( and her thinking that is her small way of keeping herself from going insane.
      He's there giving her an offer, now the ball is in her court whether she is going to trust a complete stranger, or stay with her evil crime lord boss dude. LOLL. Both choices could potentially have consequences, and it is definitely not an easy decision.

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting, MrsOogie Boogie! XD

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  3. Hey there :o)
    Love the update, but for some reason the blue writing on the black background is very, very small and therefore this chapter was really hard to read for me. I think I'll better go over it again when I am home, maybe it's something about my office computer's setting :o/

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    1. Hi anna. Sorry about the text being so small, I had fiddled around with some settings, and the size got changed, but I have since changed it back to the slightly larger size it was before.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, anna! :)

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  4. You had to end the chapter there, right? Nooo! I want to know whether she's going to trust that hot stranger! I'm not too sure if she should, but he does look like he's her best option at the moment.

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    1. Of course I did. >:D LOL, Iliana does have some things to think about. Neither choice is completely foolproof, considering putting trust in a stranger she met a few hours ago seems very risky, but then again, she's living with a crime lord. XD

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Marta! :)

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  5. I'm with MrsOogieBoogie, there's something about the guy that's offering to help her that doesn't feel quite right. Maybe it's my own skepticism about it being a little too good to bet true. . .One things for sure, it will be interesting to see what happens next!

    I had wondered if the orphanage and brothel were next to each other because that was how that soceity viewed them; the lowest of the low. That's how I viewed it in my own mind. I've always thought it was a brilliant choice on your part though. =D

    Well, it seems Iliana has found a way to cope with her situation but I still can't imagine being in that situation and dealing with it as well.

    Another great chapter!

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    1. LOL, it's probably the unfamiliarity of the guy. He's here, just all of a sudden, and she's kind of got to be quick on her feet whether or not she's going to trust him or not. Neither of her choices seem like the best idea, considering nothing in this post-apocalyptic world is really black and white.

      Yeah, for now, there aren't really any zoning rules in the town, so things just kind of get built haphazardly all over the place. Even though an orphanage is supposed to be for the good of the people living there, and the brothel appears to be the exact opposite, the fact that no one really wants any of the people who live there, has caused them to be exiled to the outskirts of the city, left to just be rejected. Thank you! :)

      Iliana's learned a lot of things about the harshness of her new life, and she's picked up some common sense along the way. Her life before was a bit sheltered as she never had anything she had to fight for, things were more or less perfect. Now that's she's pretty much been forced to fend for herself, she's finding ways to survive.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, sandybeachgirl! :)

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  6. Hmm, a savior for once? I'd rather have a back-up plan in case he is just bad luck. But in the end, I'm not sure how much I trust him... I hope that there is a new chapter where there is a good plan soon...

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    1. Haha, yeah there's hope in this chapter. LOL. Hmm as for a back up plan, she doesn't have one, as she mentioned here, she's terrified of Leo. Sadly, her obedience to Leo is as much her safety as it is her danger. Since she makes so much for Leo, she's good for business, and he'll never let her go. Distrust of the new guy is common, he's a stranger, and she's got some things to think about. Next chapter I'm planning on writing about Francis, so Iliana's situation will have to wait. XD

      Thanks for reading and commenting, parabee! :)

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  7. God I love this story! The controversial plot lines of all your work is just stunning and the way you portray your characters is equally as amazing! I love reading this story, and all of your stories, just because I never know what to expect when I start a chapter! They're never predictable, and always have me on the edge of my seat!
    I must say, my favorite character in this story so far is probably Iliana, the strength it must take to be in a situation like that? It's beyond me! I am a little apprehensive about this guy though... he could be bad news!
    Great Chapter! I cannot wait for the next :)

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    1. Hi! Thanks so much for all those compliments, wow, seriously it means a lot. :) Not to do a shameless plug or anything, LOL, but I do have a legacy as well, called Echoes of Eternity, that I'm working on, so if you're ever waiting on Blink, you could read that one. Here's the link to Chapter One.
      Not trying to be pushy or anything, LOL, just letting you know.

      Aww, haha, Iliana appreciates your support. She's learned a lot about the harshness of life since she's been in this situation. She may have learned the hard way since in earlier chapters she didn't seem as smart as the average person, LOL, a little sheltered perhaps. This guy is offering her what looks like a wonderful chance to escape, but neither of her options seem very good at the moment considering she knows nothing about him, and she lives with an evil crime lord... XD

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Emily! :)

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  8. Hope strikes again!! However, I worry about Leo and if he finds out. It sounds like has people watching all over the city and it wouldn't surprise me if he has a few in the military, too. Yikes!! My eyes got really wide when he asked if she'd been taken! Love this story!

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    1. Hahaha, wheeee! Mm yes, Leo, he is very powerful right now since this land is lawless, for the most part. The military has been given orders to rebuild society while keeping the citizens under lock and key, but they're not really doing anything about the crime that's running rampant. They only really enforce the curfew they instated as part of martial law. Corruption does abound, and Leo has paid off lots of people, so Iliana is going to have to be extremely careful if she does attempt this escape. Aww thanks! :)

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  9. This is a little delayed I guess but I felt the need to respond to this, so whatever!

    I actually did know that you had a legacy and it's been on my kill list for a while. Unfortunately some real life stuff got in the way (if you've been keeping up with my legacy lately, I write the Ballentine Legacy which I do believe you read/have read in the past, you'll see that I finally made a post about why I have been so inactive). After I get all caught up with this and a couple other stories that I'm reading I'll be sure to check your legacy out!! And no, you're not being pushy at all :)

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    1. Hey! I'm actually glad you responded to this, LOL, I was kind of scared I'd made you run away. XD Sorry about your real life stuff, I'm having some right now, and it's never any fun. Thanks for coming back and letting me know, haha. :)

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  10. At first, I couldn't understand why she didn't just leave, considering that she's free to come and go. She's living a half-life at the moment it seems. Too scared to leave and too scared to go. I understand why she can't go home. She's afraid of what she'll find and Leo will know immediately where she's gone. I'm inclined to trust her knight in shining armour. He could have taken advantage of her, and then offered to help. He chose not to,

    I hope Leo gets what is coming to him! I want to cut off a certain part of his anatomy!

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    1. LOL, yeah, I think someone else had that thought too, but nothing's black and white in this story, and it's that little gray area which makes things complicated that prevents her from leaving. Earlier, I hadn't shown Leonardo yet, I was just showing a day in Iliana's life. I also didn't want to reveal everything right away or I'd have no story, LOL.

      Leo doesn't want her to go cause she's the money maker and no one in their right mind would allow their biggest asset to just leave. He's also smart, and corrupt, which is never a good combination. In a way, Iliana's fear helped her, whether she knew it or not, because if she had just run straight home, Gerard would be in danger too once Leo found out where she went. It's not like Leo gives a fuck that she's married, he'd still want her back to make money for him.

      Yup, the guy who helped her is one of those good guys in the world, and he had to pose as a customer for his plan to work, but once they were alone, his true intentions came out. He wasn't looking for a lay, he was genuinely trying to save her.

      I guess you'll just have to see how long Leo's smarts last and if he can avoid death. XD

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  11. Nice job rebuilding the brothel, it really has that grunge vibe to it :) I really want Iliana to escape and take this opportunity to leave but I don't think she will....she really seems to be scared of Leonardo and he's such a pig, Piper seems really nice and I notice Iliana has gotten a little fiesty and she's a little bit ruder but in a good way if that makes sense :S maybe it's just me...lol but she seems to just go through the motions even though she really doesn't want to do these things...I hope she escapes and doesn't become an alcoholic or anything like that.....that kind of lifestyle can drag you right down to the ground and make you crazy....Nice chapter :)

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    1. Oh, thank you! :) I needed these buildings to look dirty and run down since they're in the shitty part of town. LOL. Haha, Iliana now has an opportunity, a choice, where as in the earlier chapter she was truly trapped because Leo scares the shit out of her. XD Getting kidnapped and being forced into prostitution can make one a little feisty/rude, that's for sure. LOL. No, you're right, she is just going through the motions, she's trying to survive, and right now, surviving means obeying Leo. She's actually doing pretty good so far, she hasn't been doing drugs or alcohol, she just drinks a little bit, socially, when she has some free time. She is getting pretty dragged down though, this is definitely not an easy thing for her to deal with, but she is learning survival and becoming stronger as a person because of it.

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  12. I am cautiously hopeful about this turn of events! I don't know whether I fully trust this new guy or not, but well, when you're in Iliana's position, that isn't too much worse, is there? If anything, maybe this new opportunity could at least give her the extra boost it seems she needs to escape! Right now she's ambivalent about leaving because she has no idea what she'd do out there and she's afraid of what she'll find (namely her husband, dead), but maybe with some support she'll finally decide the benefits outweigh the costs. Plus, if this guy helps her out, she could perhaps sneak away from him once she can to be reunited with her husband!

    Of course, I doubt things will go quite that smoothly XD

    The intrigue continues!

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    1. Yup! Things had to go down before I could introduce some hope, so that's why the first part of the story seemed like everything was just all crazy and sad. Haha, good, I wanted him to seem like he was nice, but still, who can you really trust in a world like this, right? XD At the same time, there's always good people running around in societies like this as well, you just have to find them, and it seems Iliana has run into one of these maybe good people. :) Iliana's also scared not only because of those reasons you mentioned, but she's scared of Leonardo because he basically runs this town now that the police are non-existent. If she left, he would be really upset and because he's such a mean person, she's scared of what he would do to her. This guy is going to have to convince her that he can keep her safe from Leonardo before she'll even consider actually trying to escape.

      LOL yeah, if things went that smoothly, all my intrigue would be gone, and I can't have that... >:D

      Thanks for reading and commenting. :)

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  13. OMIGOD! *crosses fingers*

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    1. LOL... I'm guessing you said OMG because you don't know what will happen if she leaves, and you can only cross your fingers in the hopes that good things will happen if she does? XD

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