Thursday, January 9, 2014

Chapter 12: My Living Nightmare

Music Track - Play if you want to listen. - Late Knight Simmer

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

Daddy. He's smiling at me from across the yard as he tosses a football at me. I jump up, and he smiles when I catch it. His hair blows in the wind and he laughs when I throw the ball back to him. Suddenly the sky becomes black and scary.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they turn your hope apart
As they turn your dreams to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

Daddy catches the ball and runs towards me, picking me up and running into the house. He hugs me and ruffles my hair, while we sit on the couch together watching television. The television is scary, it's showing bad things, so I put my hands up to my face, and Daddy hugs me tighter. I don't know why Daddy won't just change the channel.

And still I dream he'd come to me
That we would live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from the hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

Then I hear bad noises again, and the loud bang I hear almost every night. Then Daddy on the carpet again, not moving. Every night, I see Daddy there, bleeding. I can't escape it no matter how hard I try.

"I Dreamed a Dream" - Les Miserables, Anne Hathaway version

"DeeDee! Stop sitting on my bed! I hate it when you do that!"

"Well, then tell the new kid to stop screaming in his sleep and maybe I wouldn't sit on your bed!"

"What does that have to do with anything? Just go back to sleep, DeeDee, seriously!"

"That's the point, Dmitry, I can't sleep because he's screaming, again!"

I feel wierd because I'm seeing Daddy in front of me, but I'm hearing DeeDee and Dmitry argue. I don't want to open my eyes because then Daddy will disappear, even though I know he's already gone. Then I feel someone shaking me.

"Get up! Get up! New kid! Stop screaming!"

"DeeDee! Stop it! He has a name, stop being so rude to him!"

I open my eyes and see Dmitry trying to make DeeDee leave me alone. They fight a lot, mainly because of my nightmares. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I want the nightmares to stop too!

Now I'm angry because DeeDee keeps blaming me for being a pain. I've been here two weeks and every time she can't sleep she shakes me and it hurts because the sheets are very scratchy and they always dig into my skin as she's doing it. I didn't like her much when I first came here, and now I don't like her even more. I angrily throw my blanket aside and yell at her.

"WHAT do you want me to do, DeeDEE? I want to be at home with my daddy, but I CAN'T because he's DEAD! I'm sorry I scream in my sleep, I really am, but I can't control it! I scream because I'm angry and I don't want to live like this! But I can't help it! So can you PLEASE stop shaking me every night?!"

DeeDee says nothing, and just stares at me, a little bit shocked that I yelled at her. She turns around and goes to her bed where she crawls in and goes back to sleep. Dmitry crawls onto my bed and sits with me.

"I know how you feel, Sebastian. I miss my parents too."

I smile at Dmitry, grateful that he's been nice to me the whole time I've been here.

"What happened to them?"

"My daddy went to work and never came home. He had been in the building where the explosion happened. My mommy was on her way home from the grocery store, got sick from the explosion, and she died in the hospital. What happened to your daddy?"

"Some bad soldiers hurt him, and he couldn't move. He was stuck under a bookcase. I found him, and I talked to him before he..."

I got sad again, and looked at the wall. I felt lost, but a little better because Dmitry was sitting there with me and he understood me.

"Sebastian, it's going to be okay. I still remember my daddy even though my nightmares stopped."

"I feel so lonely, Dmitry. When I was with Daddy, I felt loved. Here I just feel like I'm a pain in the butt, a troublemaker."

"I'll be your friend. Believe me, you're not a troublemaker. DeeDee's just stupid."

For the first time since I've been at the orphanage, I didn't feel lonely.

"Really, Dmitry?"


"Good morning, children. Did you all sleep well?"

Miss Deshi walks into our room with a smile on her face, like she does every morning. DeeDee remains asleep, and Dmitry and I laugh as Miss Deshi goes to wake her up. If DeeDee didn't spend fifteen minutes screaming at me all the time, she could get some more sleep before Miss Deshi comes.

"Dierdre, it's morning. Breakfast time, and then exercise."

"Miss Deshi!!! I didn't get any sleep because of stupid Sebastian again!"

DeeDee yells while her eyes are still closed, complaining about me as usual. This is getting old.

"Dierdre, what did I tell you? Everyone who comes here has nightmares for a little while. Eventually it stops. You had nightmares too when you first came here. Have you forgotten already?"

DeeDee gets up finally and glares at Miss Deshi through her groggy eyelids.

"NO I haven't forgotten, but MY nightmares weren't whiny like his!"

"Dierdre! Stop arguing! Just behave. I'm making breakfast for everyone. Please just stop being so difficult. For once I'd like to wake you children up in the morning and be spared this level of drama."

DeeDee glares at Miss Deshi and there's tension in the room that doesn't go away until Miss Deshi leaves.

"WHAT are you IDIOTS staring at?"

Dmitry doesn't say anything to DeeDee, and gets off my bed. I follow Dmitry's lead, and we go downstairs, leaving DeeDee pouting in the room by herself. After breakfast, Miss Deshi takes the three of us outside with a small stereo. She puts the stereo on the ground and turns it on, playing some upbeat music.

"Ok, kids, let's do some jumping jacks first today."

A week after I got here, I got strong enough to do exercises with everyone else. We always did three kinds of exercise, jumping jacks, some overhead arm stretches, and leg stretches. Miss Deshi said that the food we are eating isn't as filling or nutritious as food should be, so we need to keep our muscles strong with exercise. DeeDee continues pouting, hoping to get some attention from the rest of us, but we ignore her.

After realizing that pouting isn't going to get her anywhere, DeeDee of course begins to shout so we'll talk to her. I roll my eyes. Why are girls so annoying?

"Miss Deshi! Dmitry isn't doing jumping jacks!"

I look over at Dmitry, who is standing by Miss Deshi, stretching.

"Shut up, DeeDee, at least I'm exercising!"

"Dierdre, please get up and do your exercises. I am trying to keep you children healthy so you don't have health problems later on in your life. This is for your own good."

"NO! I don't want to!"

DeeDee pouts and sits by the wall, staring at nothing in particular. Miss Deshi continues leading Dmitry and I with our exercise routine. I guess she's had enough of DeeDee today.

After our exercises are done, Miss Deshi turns off the radio and brings it inside. Dmitry and I sit on the grass together, looking at the street. There isn't much to do here, considering we have no toys, not even a ball to play with, so all we have is each other's company. The sky has turned from white to black, and I've learned that it doesn't always mean bad storms are coming. If we hear a zapping sound, and see lightning in the sky, that's when the storms come.

"Hey new kid."

I ignore DeeDee, still puzzled by why she keeps calling me new kid, since I've been here for two weeks already. I've gotten used to everything but her.

"Hey! Stupid, I'm talking to you."

"Why are you so mean to me all the time, DeeDee? You said you thought I was cute when I first got here, what happened to that?!"

DeeDee lowers her eyelids, and she looks creepy against the dark sky. I remain seated on the ground next to Dmitry because I don't want to talk to DeeDee. I was hoping what I said would shut her up. She doesn't say anything for a few minutes.

"You are cute, stupid. I'm just jealous of you. I have nightmares of my parents beating me and locking me in a basement, so I'm mad at you because your daddy liked you."

I'm stunned by DeeDee's words. Her parents were mean to her? Mommies and daddies are supposed to keep you safe. Still, I don't think she needs to treat me so badly just because she's unhappy.

"That's not my fault, DeeDee. You're not the only one who is unhappy here. We all have problems. I'm trying to make friends and get through my nightmares because I want them to stop. I don't need you to keep annoying me with your mean words."

DeeDee glares at me, than walks away, continuing to pout. I hear the door shut behind her, leaving Dmitry and I alone in the front yard.


  1. DeeDee is quite a brat! Although she has a reason to be jealous. Her parents were horrible and I can't believe that they'd beat her! I love how Dmitry is like "Shut up DeeDee just go with it." LOL. At least Sebastian has a proper friend now! It sucks that he has the worse nightmares. I hope that the kids will have a better life soon :) (Is that Iliana in the background? LOL. Just reminds me of her.)

    1. Sadly, some kids do get abused by their parents, hence the need for Child Protective Services. LOL. DeeDee got a stick up her ass this chapter, and she decided in her child mind that it would be best to take it out on Dmitry and Sebastian. *rolls eyes* Yes, at least Dmitry isn't a psycho, so Sebastian can have someone normal to talk to. Sebastian's been through worse than Dmitry, considering Dmitry didn't actually see his dad die, and his mom just was sick at the hospital, so she looked fine. Sebastian having to see all the blood and stuff from when his dad died makes his nightmares that much more vivid. Maybe... it could be Iliana, or it might be another prostitute in Leonardo's ring of whores. LOL.

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

  2. Aww.. Poor Sebastian. I don't like that he's having nightmares missing his Dad :( It's so sad what he had to go through, same with all the kids. I guess kids will be kids, DeeDee enjoys taking out her anger and frustration from what her parents did to her on other people, though the boys had a less hostile background so I guess they're nicer and more accepting about it. As much as a brat she is, I feel sorry for her just the same.
    At least the boys are willing to be friends and want to help one another.
    Aw, Illiana looks like she's getting yelled at in the background T_T

    1. Yeah... T_T Sebastian had the most traumatic experience being in the presence of the blood when his dad died, so his nightmares are very vivid. Dmitry had it a little easier since he didn't see his dad die, he just heard about it. His mom was in the hospital, so it just looked like she fell asleep. Sebastian might be more desensitized to blood and death when he grows up since he was exposed to it at such an early age, so it might help him in the long run, he just can't see it now. XD Both Sebastian and Dmitry had good home lives, whereas DeeDee didn't, so she's pretty detached from love since she's never really experienced it. You're right, DeeDee does like to take her anger out on other people, which she learned from her parents since they were just mean to her all the time. Dmitry had been in the orphanage for about a month before Sebastian came and his only other person his age to interact with was DeeDee... o.O.. .he was very grateful for Sebastian's timely arrival, otherwise he might have been driven crazy. LOL. Haha, yeah it does look like Iliana's getting reamed, doesn't it? >:D

  3. So things are settling in at the orphanage, or so it seems... I am a bit surprised that Ms Deshi has not found a way to organize some toys, though. She seems to take her job seriously, and frankly, getting the kids a ball or two should be no problem? Or a few books, maybe?
    These really are strange times... ;o)

    Sorry I have not been commenting in a while, I am still not feeling better

    1. :( Are you okay? I hope you get better soon. Thanks for reading and leaving me this comment. ^_^

      These are strange times... the end of days, even though I didn't make it some zombie apocalypse or whatever, society has broken down. Just going to the store and buying some toys is pretty much non-existent right now. The looters from the few days after the attack cleaned out everything, so the homeless people are now squatting in the stores. You may be right that Miss Deshi could go wandering or something and find a ball somewhere, but she'd feel better if she was making sure the kids were safe. It is possible though, that the kids might go wandering themselves and find some things to play with. :D They've just got to get creative. I have to think pretty wierdly for this story, LOL, I only really have what I think would/could happen at a time when everything as we know it just suddenly stops. It's abrupt and strange, but I think that's how the end of days would be. :)

  4. Love how you incorporated Les Mis in this chapter! One of my favorite musicals!

    Can I smack DeeDee? I feel bad for her that she didn't have parents that loved her but good grief! Hopefully soon she'll realize that no one is going to like her if she keeps treating people like crap.

    I'm glad Dmitry and Sebastian are becoming friends. It will be good for them later to have each other.

    Great chapter!

    1. Haha, I like that you like that I put Les Mis in here. I see we share some similar tastes in musicals. That is cool.

      *nods* Smack away. LOL. The child needs some discipline, lord knows her parents didn't give that to her. *rolls eyes* I don't know, she might realize it one day that no one likes her, but then again, she might not really care if no one likes her. *shrugs* We'll just have to see how she grows up.

      Dmitry is also glad he had someone to be friends with... he's only had DeeDee for a month, the poor boy was going to go nuts if someone sane didn't show up soon. LOL. Yes, it is my plan to have them be two of the main characters later on in the story.

      Thanks for reading and commenting! :)

  5. I feel so bad for Sebastian, that poor little boy :( However, I am glad that he and Dimtry are becoming friends! DeeDee needs to check herself, though! Little brat... lol.
    Great Chapter!

    1. Thank you! Sebastian's having it rough right now. :( The pain will become less apparent as time goes on, though, like Dmitry said. Dmitry was so happy that someone else arrived at the orphanage, he was about to be driven nuts by DeeDee. LOL. She is... special. Hahaha, she has a very bad attitude, and she is in dire need of discipline.

      Thanks for reading and commenting! :)

  6. Poor Sebastian. =( I hope his nigh meres stop soon... I feel bad that DeeDee's parents abused her, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be a brat towards the "new" kid. (Maybe she'll learn how to deal with her anger properly and be nicer to Sebastian?) I'm glad that Dmitry understands why Sebastian screams and wants to be his friend.

    I'm looking forward to the next chapter and seeing what's happening to Illiana (in the background) now.

    1. :) Sebastian will heal with time, Dmitry went through a similar thing when he first arrived, and now that they are friends, Dmitry will help Sebastian as much as he can. Dmitry was also being driven crazy before because DeeDee was the only other kid at the orphanage, LOL, so he was very happy when another person showed up who didn't share DeeDee's crazy attitude. You're right, DeeDee just doesn't have a clue how to deal with her anger. She was never taught well since her parents just hated her, so she is acting out like they did to her. *rolls eyes* XD Eee I'm excited to write about Iliana in the next chapter. :)

      Thanks so much for reading!

  7. Well, DeeDee clearly has some issues...I knew someone named DeeDee once. He was a creeper!

    Good chapter, as always. I like reading about Bastien!

    1. ROFL DeeDee has major issues, she doesn't understand where to express her anger. o.O A creeper, huh? Yikes. LOL.

      Thank you so much for reading and leaving me all these comments, Taina! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm trying my best to get past the little bit of writer's block I'm having with Echoes, writing some stuff and changing as I go, so hopefully I'll have one up I'm hoping before February. LOL. :)

    2. Take your time. Writer's block is just your mind trying to figure out how to show you the words. It will come. I didn't write for a month, took a vacation, came back and wrote 4 chapters. We'll still be here when you're ready to share!

      Also, I just realized I can log in with Google. Pssht! My days of looking like a shadowy weirdo (aka Deedee) are over!

    3. Woo! That's a good way to think about writer's block, actually. Thanks for sharing that. :) A lot of time I get more annoyed and just go "Ugh why, just go away writer's block" LOL. I think if I just maybe quit thinking about it, and quit trying to force it, that's when the ideas come back. :) Haha, yay for not being a DeeDee. ROFL.

  8. OK, so now I want to hug DeeDee. Yes, she shouldn't be so nasty to our darling, cute Sebastian, but if her parents were really that mean, what can you expect but for her to be a little ill-mannered? :'-(

    Oh, and the experience of reading this chapter was so beautifully enhanced by the song you chose <3... Great musical! And Anne Hathaway's performance was simply perfect, if you ask me. But I just remembered both Hugh Jackman AND Russell Crowe were in that movie, and now I'll be drooling all day, LOL.

    1. XD DeeDee definitely did not learn anything from her parents except to be angry when things don't go her way. So you are right, she doesn't know anything else, even though she's been at the orphanage the longest.

      Whee! I'm happy you liked the musical song, I love Les Miserables. A lot. Haha. When I thought about doing a dream sequence, "I Dreamed a Dream" just popped into my head. Then I was thinking that the song was even more fitting because it's about some depressing times, just like this story. LOL. Mmm... Hugh and Russell, now you have made me drool all over my keyboard with the mere mention of their names. Thank you. XD

  9. Sebastian is so adorable! DeeDee makes me sad, all the trouble she's been through! But she thinks Sebastian is cute, and I hope they'll be best friends some day. And hey, was that Iliana in the back with her "boss"? I want to tell the kids to go inside, it's not good for them to be around those bastards next door :-P I'm such a dumb mom!

    1. XD I love Sebastian. DeeDee was dealt a bad hand in life... poor girl. LOL. She needs to direct her anger at the appropriate people rather than being a pain to everyone around her. Haha, well no guarantees that her and Sebastian will be best friends... him and Dmitry have a better chance of being best friends. Haha. Well... it might be Iliana, it might be another hooker who works at the brothel. XD The lady has her back turned for mystery's sake. LOL. It is unfortunate for the orphanage and the brothel to be next door, but this is the part of town where no one cares about anything, where all the "unwanted" people live, and sadly, that includes kids with no parents. The mystery of what's going on next door will be revealed in the next chapter.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, swiirl! :)

  10. More hope! :) DeeDee is a brat, but if it is really true (which I'm not sure it is yet) about her parent's beating her, then she has reason to be upset. However, she doesn't need to be so mean to others. However, I guess it is how she is dealing with the whole situation. Glad that Dmitry and Sebastian are friends now! I love that orphanage seems to be taking good care of the kids, too!

    1. LOL, yes. Sadly, DeeDee's parents did abuse her quite regularly and she's never really experienced a parent's love like she should have. Her behavior is not correct because she doesn't need to bully Sebastian, but she doesn't know how to deal with things. Miss Deshi tries her best to get through to DeeDee, but it doesn't always work, so she just focuses on keeping the kids fed. Dmitry and Sebastian are smart, realizing that friends are better than enemies in the world they're in. It's good to have an ally. Yes, this is a good orphanage. :)

  11. I love that version, even though it always makes me cry. Who knew Anne H was such a powerful singer?

    Each of the children have been through something terrible in their life and each have their own way of dealing with the trauma. I, for one, understand what Dee Dee is going through as I didn't exactly have the best start in life. Luckily, I got removed from a terrible situation, and was given to my wonderful father who more than made up for it. She feels jealous, but she probably also carries a lot of bitterness and rage. She's probably feeling relieved that her parents can't hurt her anymore, but is also carrying guilt that she feels that way. That's a lot of emotion for a small child to carry, so no wonder that she's acting out.

    She, like the other children, need counselling. Miss Deshi is doing her best and has given them the safety they need, but she isn't a professional psychologist. The children need each other more than ever!

    Wow. Long comment ...

    1. Also, forgot to mention that I think Dimitry is adorable! If he keeps up the whole "sensitive poet" persona he's got going, then he's definitely going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up!

    2. I too, love Les Miserables, it's one of my favorite musicals, and I like Anne's version the best. I'm sure the live versions of that musical are great as well, but I've never seen them. I'm just familiar with two of the movies that have been made about it.

      Oh wow, I'm sorry for your misfortune in your life, glad someone helped you get away from it. :)
      I wanted the three kids to not have identical stories as to why they ended up in the orphanage, and sadly, some kids are dumped there by uncaring parents. Yeah, Dee Dee is angry, jealous, and bitter that she's stuck in the orphanage with two people that seemingly don't understand her pain because they've never experienced what she's gone through. I don't know about her feeling guilt since her parents never really taught her she was supposed to love them, they treated her more like an object rather than their daughter.

      The kids are going to need each other, so true, it's just like Francis and Gerard, needing allies more than ever in this society is a good thing. Aww thanks, XD. I can say for sure, Dmitry is a hottie, when I created these two boys in CAS, I created them as young adults, making them look like what I wanted, and then aged them down to children.

      Haha, it's all right, I love long comments, don't worry about it. :)

  12. Awww as I was reading this chapter I kind of had a feeling something happened to Deirdre when she was younger. It sucks she was abused by her parents ....I wouldn't be surprised if they were drug addicts or alcoholics...I think she will stop being bratty as she gets older. Deshi is surprisingly a really good care giver to the children, I thought Sebastian would be in a crappy orphanages for these last few chapters but I'm starting to realize that's not the case. I like Demitry....I feel like this kids will all grow up together and have a strong bond with eachother since they don't have their parents :)

    1. :D Yes, all the kids had something happen to them to end up in the orphanage. Actually her parents were not druggies or alcoholics, they were just two people who ended up with an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. Not everyone treasures children, and Deedee's parents were some of those people who fell into that category. They never wanted her, so they just tried to pretend that she didn't exist by locking her in the basement.

      Miss Deshi is one of those kind people left in the world, in my story there is always a balance of good and evil, and Miss Deshi is a Catholic lady who is genuinely kind. Her orphanage is a little crappy just because of the limited resources in the world, but she's doing the best she can. I don't know if you saw, but on the wall by the front door of the orphanage, I put a cross to designate that the orphanage was a safe haven. It's the picture from behind the fence where the boys are exercising with Miss Deshi.
      Right now I'm not so sure what I'm going to with Dierdre when she gets older, but I was planning on Sebastian and Dmitry becoming best friends because they have to stick together in the dangerous world, and they can't stay in the orphanage forever.