Chapter 12: My Living Nightmare

Music Track - Play if you want to listen. - Late Knight Simmer

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I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

Daddy. He's smiling at me from across the yard as he tosses a football at me. I jump up, and he smiles when I catch it. His hair blows in the wind and he laughs when I throw the ball back to him. Suddenly the sky becomes black and scary.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they turn your hope apart
As they turn your dreams to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

Daddy catches the ball and runs towards me, picking me up and running into the house. He hugs me and ruffles my hair, while we sit on the couch together watching television. The television is scary, it's showing bad things, so I put my hands up to my face, and Daddy hugs me tighter. I don't know why Daddy won't just change the channel.

And still I dream he'd come to me
That we would live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from the hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

Then I hear bad noises again, and the loud bang I hear almost every night. Then Daddy on the carpet again, not moving. Every night, I see Daddy there, bleeding. I can't escape it no matter how hard I try.

"I Dreamed a Dream" - Les Miserables, Anne Hathaway version

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"DeeDee! Stop sitting on my bed! I hate it when you do that!"

"Well, then tell the new kid to stop screaming in his sleep and maybe I wouldn't sit on your bed!"

"What does that have to do with anything? Just go back to sleep, DeeDee, seriously!"

"That's the point, Dmitry, I can't sleep because he's screaming, again!"

I feel wierd because I'm seeing Daddy in front of me, but I'm hearing DeeDee and Dmitry argue. I don't want to open my eyes because then Daddy will disappear, even though I know he's already gone. Then I feel someone shaking me.

"Get up! Get up! New kid! Stop screaming!"

"DeeDee! Stop it! He has a name, stop being so rude to him!"

I open my eyes and see Dmitry trying to make DeeDee leave me alone. They fight a lot, mainly because of my nightmares. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I want the nightmares to stop too!

Now I'm angry because DeeDee keeps blaming me for being a pain. I've been here two weeks and every time she can't sleep she shakes me and it hurts because the sheets are very scratchy and they always dig into my skin as she's doing it. I didn't like her much when I first came here, and now I don't like her even more. I angrily throw my blanket aside and yell at her.

"WHAT do you want me to do, DeeDEE? I want to be at home with my daddy, but I CAN'T because he's DEAD! I'm sorry I scream in my sleep, I really am, but I can't control it! I scream because I'm angry and I don't want to live like this! But I can't help it! So can you PLEASE stop shaking me every night?!"

DeeDee says nothing, and just stares at me, a little bit shocked that I yelled at her. She turns around and goes to her bed where she crawls in and goes back to sleep. Dmitry crawls onto my bed and sits with me.

"I know how you feel, Sebastian. I miss my parents too."

I smile at Dmitry, grateful that he's been nice to me the whole time I've been here.

"What happened to them?"

"My daddy went to work and never came home. He had been in the building where the explosion happened. My mommy was on her way home from the grocery store, got sick from the explosion, and she died in the hospital. What happened to your daddy?"

"Some bad soldiers hurt him, and he couldn't move. He was stuck under a bookcase. I found him, and I talked to him before he..."

I got sad again, and looked at the wall. I felt lost, but a little better because Dmitry was sitting there with me and he understood me.

"Sebastian, it's going to be okay. I still remember my daddy even though my nightmares stopped."

"I feel so lonely, Dmitry. When I was with Daddy, I felt loved. Here I just feel like I'm a pain in the butt, a troublemaker."

"I'll be your friend. Believe me, you're not a troublemaker. DeeDee's just stupid."

For the first time since I've been at the orphanage, I didn't feel lonely.

"Really, Dmitry?"

"Yes."

"Good morning, children. Did you all sleep well?"

Miss Deshi walks into our room with a smile on her face, like she does every morning. DeeDee remains asleep, and Dmitry and I laugh as Miss Deshi goes to wake her up. If DeeDee didn't spend fifteen minutes screaming at me all the time, she could get some more sleep before Miss Deshi comes.

"Dierdre, it's morning. Breakfast time, and then exercise."

"Miss Deshi!!! I didn't get any sleep because of stupid Sebastian again!"

DeeDee yells while her eyes are still closed, complaining about me as usual. This is getting old.

"Dierdre, what did I tell you? Everyone who comes here has nightmares for a little while. Eventually it stops. You had nightmares too when you first came here. Have you forgotten already?"

DeeDee gets up finally and glares at Miss Deshi through her groggy eyelids.

"NO I haven't forgotten, but MY nightmares weren't whiny like his!"

"Dierdre! Stop arguing! Just behave. I'm making breakfast for everyone. Please just stop being so difficult. For once I'd like to wake you children up in the morning and be spared this level of drama."

DeeDee glares at Miss Deshi and there's tension in the room that doesn't go away until Miss Deshi leaves.

"WHAT are you IDIOTS staring at?"

Dmitry doesn't say anything to DeeDee, and gets off my bed. I follow Dmitry's lead, and we go downstairs, leaving DeeDee pouting in the room by herself. After breakfast, Miss Deshi takes the three of us outside with a small stereo. She puts the stereo on the ground and turns it on, playing some upbeat music.

"Ok, kids, let's do some jumping jacks first today."

A week after I got here, I got strong enough to do exercises with everyone else. We always did three kinds of exercise, jumping jacks, some overhead arm stretches, and leg stretches. Miss Deshi said that the food we are eating isn't as filling or nutritious as food should be, so we need to keep our muscles strong with exercise. DeeDee continues pouting, hoping to get some attention from the rest of us, but we ignore her.

After realizing that pouting isn't going to get her anywhere, DeeDee of course begins to shout so we'll talk to her. I roll my eyes. Why are girls so annoying?

"Miss Deshi! Dmitry isn't doing jumping jacks!"

I look over at Dmitry, who is standing by Miss Deshi, stretching.

"Shut up, DeeDee, at least I'm exercising!"

"Dierdre, please get up and do your exercises. I am trying to keep you children healthy so you don't have health problems later on in your life. This is for your own good."

"NO! I don't want to!"

DeeDee pouts and sits by the wall, staring at nothing in particular. Miss Deshi continues leading Dmitry and I with our exercise routine. I guess she's had enough of DeeDee today.

After our exercises are done, Miss Deshi turns off the radio and brings it inside. Dmitry and I sit on the grass together, looking at the street. There isn't much to do here, considering we have no toys, not even a ball to play with, so all we have is each other's company. The sky has turned from white to black, and I've learned that it doesn't always mean bad storms are coming. If we hear a zapping sound, and see lightning in the sky, that's when the storms come.

"Hey new kid."

I ignore DeeDee, still puzzled by why she keeps calling me new kid, since I've been here for two weeks already. I've gotten used to everything but her.

"Hey! Stupid, I'm talking to you."

"Why are you so mean to me all the time, DeeDee? You said you thought I was cute when I first got here, what happened to that?!"

DeeDee lowers her eyelids, and she looks creepy against the dark sky. I remain seated on the ground next to Dmitry because I don't want to talk to DeeDee. I was hoping what I said would shut her up. She doesn't say anything for a few minutes.

"You are cute, stupid. I'm just jealous of you. I have nightmares of my parents beating me and locking me in a basement, so I'm mad at you because your daddy liked you."

I'm stunned by DeeDee's words. Her parents were mean to her? Mommies and daddies are supposed to keep you safe. Still, I don't think she needs to treat me so badly just because she's unhappy.

"That's not my fault, DeeDee. You're not the only one who is unhappy here. We all have problems. I'm trying to make friends and get through my nightmares because I want them to stop. I don't need you to keep annoying me with your mean words."

DeeDee glares at me, than walks away, continuing to pout. I hear the door shut behind her, leaving Dmitry and I alone in the front yard.